Updated: Feb 24
Sexual encounters are often led by passion and that passion often leads to a rather fast proceeding. First things first: There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting passion take over and indulging in an intense, beautifully greedy encounter. On the other hand, choosing to slow down things and taking one’s time for sex can be equally satisfying and surely something you should consider from time to time. Giving in to the art of slow sex will definitely be an utterly nourishing experience for you as well as for your partner.
Deceleration as an opportunity for higher intimacy
Most of us live a busy life full of work, appointments, deadlines, and hundreds of things we need to remember. Often, we are drawn into this spiral of time pressure so much, that it seems quite an effort to get out of it, even if just for a little while. It seems as if our brain gets wired on the fast tempo and constantly looks to keep it up. No wonder that during the last years more and more people, and especially therapists and life-coaches, started referring to deceleration as something valuable, even healthy, and worthy to achieve - or at least try to achieve.
So why should we decelerate things? By decelerating our actions we receive more time. Time to fully experience the things we do, fully comprehend and taste them, and therefore also achieve a higher outcome by or impact from them. As an easy example just picture yourself having dinner: Eating fast due to time pressure or out of habit might fulfill the basic goal of feeding and ensure that you reach your next appointment or deadline in time, but it also withholds a lot. By eating fast you will not fully taste the food, the different spices, feel the sensation of the different textures you are eating, and for sure not truly enjoy what you are taking in. Those things are only experienced when you take your time.
Similar to eating, there are so many different sensations to take in when you get the chance during sex. And indulging in those from time to time will broaden your view about yourself, about your partner as well as increase the intimacy you share, simply because you get to know each other on a deeper level.
Things to consider for fully enjoying slow sex
As the term it’s self already implies, slow is the key. But while it is the most essential part, it is also the most difficult one, especially if one tries to really go through with it and not only apply it at the beginning of a sexual tête-à-tête.
Of course, initiating the whole experience slowly is a good thing to start off with. This means that you and your partner should start at an early point, for example, while still having dinner or a drink. Let your eyes talk, grant each other small gestures, soft touches, but without going any further than that.
Proceeding, again take your time and come a bit closer, kiss, even make out, but do not yet get rid of your clothes. Try to savour the sensation, feel each other through the fabric, and give each other a glimpse at what could be next. After a good while of enjoying yourselves like this, you may proceed to undress each other, whereas again, make sure to move really slow. Not only as in how many pieces of clothes you take off, but also regarding the tempo of your movement. Imagine being a sloth, and really make each move very conscious and slowly.
When you are both undressed, still do not proceed to have sex. Rather take your time to enjoy the view of your naked bodies, feel the touch of skin, caress each other, cover your bodies with kisses, gentle suckles and draw nice lines and paintings with the tip of your tongue. You might even go further by using some nice smelling oil and on the one hand, give your partner a soft and tender massage, while on the other hand simply giving her the tempting sensation of feeling the drops of oil running down her body - I can assure you that will drive her crazy and make her longing even greater.
If then, after really taking your time and altering all your senses, proceed to actually have sexual intercourse, again remember: Take it slow. Make sure your movements stay slow and steady, and rather work with the intensity and pressure you place in your movement than moving fast. A well perceived and greatly enjoyed rhythm by women is “short-short-long”, but mind to keep this rhythm and your tempo steady, even if you sense the climax coming. You can be sure, that with this slow but steady approach your counterpart will have a great time and full enjoyment - and for sure want more of it.