Updated: Mar 11
Jealousy is a feeling we’ve all experienced. Some of us more, some of us less, but we can all know the feeling and that is okay. As a matter of fact, anthropologists believe that jealousy serves an evolutionary purpose and is meant to secure family by causing us to reject unreliable mates. Still, if not guarded mindfully jealousy can become toxic and become harmful for relationships. Here are some thoughts of mine on this topic.
The deeper meaning of jealousy
As all feelings jealousy also has a hidden message to us. If you think about it, jealousy always appears, when you are afraid. Afraid of losing something or more precisely someone. If you think about this even further, then you will end up noticing that the fear of loss is always caused by the feeling of not being enough and that feeling of inadequacy is connected to the fear of being rejected. Because let's be honest, at the end of the day we all have one very basic need: We want to be accepted.
So being jealous is nothing else than a sign that you are somehow feeling insecure about yourself and never has anything to do with your partner. Jealousy is all about you and your self-esteem. The only question is, how you deal with it and what you do about it.
How jealousy becomes toxic
Jealousy becomes a problem as soon as it’s acted on and if you chose not to listen to the signs your emotions are sending you, things might go south very quickly. What might have been considered “sweet” at the beginning can grow into paranoia and lead to obsessive behavior if not managed mindfully.
It may start out with you wanting to know with whom your partner is texting every time, or with you checking your partner’s phone without them knowing or even secretly following them around to see where they’re going and with whom. The thing is, that even if you find no evidence of whatsoever that feeling of insecurity still will not leave. The more you indulge in it the more uncertain you will feel and along with that comes frustration. That frustration will inevitably spill over at some point and you will find yourself blaming your partner. The latest at that point, the relationship becomes toxic and in worse cases even physically and psychologically harmful.
How to manage jealousy mindfully
The best thing to do when you feel jealousy coming up is to take a minute and reflect on it. Ask yourself what you are insecure about. Is it your body, your status, maybe money, or even your image? Is it the way you spend your time in the relationship? While doing so, try to focus on yourself and don’t look for the reason somewhere else or in your partner. As stated before, insecurities come from within ourselves. Even if others disapprove of something about you, it is not until you believe yourself that it becomes an insecurity.
When you worked out what the insecurity consists of, take measures against it. The first and most important always being kindness towards yourself. Selflove is the most powerful thing and the best weapon against insecurity and jealousy.
And believe me: As soon as you start working on yourself and your feelings you will find yourself evolving and becoming a stronger, better person. By that, you will not only feel better but also become a better partner in relationships both mentally and physically. There is nothing better than a counterpart who is self-loving and self-confident.