Updated: Mar 5
How to Talk Dirty: Sexy Things to Say without the Awkwardness
Learning how to talk dirty is a hot addition to all sorts of sex play. While many people like hearing it, though, it can be a lot harder to learn how to talk dirty well. Many people can feel awkward, silly, or just overwhelmed when trying to fabricate a narrative that will make their partner moan. The good news is, it’s actually fairly easy to learn how to talk dirty in bed. And while it may feel like you have to develop a full story with characters and complex scenarios, what most people like to hear is actually much more simple.
How to Talk Dirty: Start Small
Try short questions to start:
“Do you like that?”
“Does that feel good, baby?”
Use Words that Work
Before diving in, figure out what words turn your partner on. Does she prefer “pussy” “cunt” “vagina” “yoni” or something else? Does he like “cock,” “dick,” or “prick?” The wrong word at the wrong moment can take the wind out of your sexual sales, or worse, bring on a giggle fit. So get a sense beforehand of words that feel sexy to both of you.
A simple compliment can go a long way. You can complement your partner on a part of their body you find sexy, a generic “you’re so freakin’ hot’”, or the way your partner makes you (or your body) feel. It’s also great to complement your partner on how they taste or smell. In cases like these, it can be hot to be reminded of how much you turn on your partner, and dirty talk is a way of communicating that.
Put more simply, what does your partner like to be called? Many people enjoy the simple and somewhat neutral “Baby. But that word can make others squirm. Others prefer to be called things they’d never want you to use in a non-sexual situation, like “slut” or “daddy.” Ask your partner before sex what kinds of things they’d like to be called, and then integrate them into your simple questions:
“Do you like the way my pussy feels, baby?”
“I love it when you moan like a slut.”
If your partner enjoys a little bit of power play in the bedroom, you can integrate short commands. Stick to the stuff you normally do in bed already. All you’re doing is telling them to do it. Combine this with a well-timed appellation and you’re on your way to a hot time for all.
“Lick my pussy, slut.”
“Baby, suck my cock.”
The above examples often go a long way to adding flavor to your sexcapades with your partner. However, you may want to go beyond simple questions and commands, with longer descriptions of all the fun you’re having. If this is the case, consider sex advice columnist Dan Savage’s formula for how to talk dirty:
1 Explain what you’re about to do
2 Describe what you are doing/what it feels like.
3 Describe what you just did.
It’s often as simple as that. Let’s see it in action:
1 “Baby, I’m about to fuck you silly. I’m going to put just the tip inside of you until you beg me to give you all of it. But I’m going to do it so slow you’re going to squirm.”
2 “Your pussy feels so tight on my cock. I feel it squeeze on me every time I thrust in you.”
3 “Yeah, you liked the way I slid inside you, didn’t you? You like it when I tease you all slow like that.”
Ta-daa! Let’s look at another example, integrating the other tips so far:
1 “You look so hot right now. I’m going to make you drop to your knees and take me in your mouth.”
2 “Get on your knees, slut. That’s right. Now wrap your mouth around me. I want to feel your tongue work. That feels so good. My little slut likes it like that, doesn’t s/he? You’re such a good girl/boy.”
3 “My little slut did such a good job. S/he’s going to get a reward for working me with his/her mouth so well….”
And then back to 1! This can be as simple or complex as you want. Remember, short sentences are fine. Dirty talk doesn’t need to be novelistic. It’s just about using short phrases that add some pizazz into already mutually exciting sex. If you or your partner enjoy going one step further into fantasy, however, read on.
Fantasies and Role Play
Cop and robber. Professor and student. CEO and ass-kissing employee. There are so many ways to play with fantasy scenarios in bed. Sometimes the dirty talk is only to help assist your partner with a fantasy that’s playing out in their head. Other times you and your partner may construct elaborate scenes with a lot of setup and theatrics. The rules are generally the same, just with a bit more of the fantastic thrown in. When considering honorifics, keep in mind the role you’ll be playing. Would you call your drill sergeant “Baby” or your boss “Hon?” The rules of how to talk dirty are the same as well, just constructed to be a bit more fantastic:
1 If you fail this exam, I’m going to punish you.
2 Get over my knee so I can teach you about discipline.
3 Did you learn anything from that experience?
1 It’s so hard for me to focus on my work when I see you bending over the filing cabinet like that. I’m going to have to relieve all this built-up tension.
2 I love taking you on this conference table while our coworkers have a meeting in the next room.
3 You came so hard you almost ruined my slacks. Next time you walk past my office we’ll have to do it again.
With more sophisticated fantasies like these, it’s helpful to come up with the parameters before the sex play starts, so you know exactly what scenario you’re dealing with. Decide on the roles, setting, and what about it excites you both, so you can play into that world. Don’t worry about getting too illustrative. Broad strokes are what’s important, and your partner can use their imagination to fill in the rest of the hotness. Remember the best way to learn how to talk dirty is to start simple. Most dirty talk is best kept simple and succinct. But if you want to graduate to more complex fantasies, now you have a road map for how to talk dirty!