Communication is one of the most underestimated topics in a relationship and companionship as well. That is a real bummer since good communication is equally important as trust and acceptance and therefore an important basis for functioning and truly fulfilled companionship. So let us look at this topic a bit closer today.
Go beyond the necessities
Although we all know or have heard that communication is key to a good and healthy relationship, most couples still find this very difficult. Many do not communicate with each other at all or only talk about what is necessary. Others again have a mutual exchange, but it somehow goes in a completely wrong direction and often ends in hurt feeling or awkward silence. Misunderstandings and eventually arising arguments kill the vibe and bring many couples to stop communicating about more than just the necessities. And even if as a result couples focus their relationship on sex this does not mean, that the companionship is safe.
So instead of giving up and rendering to silence, you might rather want to ask yourself what the exact reasons for the disputes and the miss-communication are.
Reasons for many disputes
The reasons for a hindered communication can vary and always depend on several things, but some of the most argued topics are:
● Professional situation
● The general contact among and with each other
● Lying and cheating
● The child issue
● Psychological problem
● Addiction problems
● Financial reasons / dealing with money
Why communication is key for a companionship
First and foremost by talking to each other, you show your partner that you are truly interested in them and that they are important to you. You convey to them that you really want to know how they are and what moves them. By asking questions like “How was your day”, even if it might touch an uncomfortable topic at times, you display interest and invite them to open up to you and feel acknowledged.
Furthermore, if there is no real mutual exchange, you might very well lose sight of each other and lose your connection which will lead to you both feeling detached and uncomfortable in the companionship or relationship.
Also, with good communication even casual disputes will run much milder. Because you and your partner will have much more experience to rely on and will know how to talk to each other.
And last but not least, communication is also very important for you to be able to exchange your wishes and desires as lovers and talk about ideas, joint plans and your common future.
Let us recap
By communicating with each other you:
● learn what your partner actually thinks and feels.
● learn what your partner expects from life and also from you.
● get to know more about each other's views and preferences.
● Disputes are solved much more easily.
● find out if a future together is possible and makes sense.
As you already realize: if communication fits, you will have a much more intense relationship with your partner and will be able to build a strong bond and go deeper and further in your relationship.
But of course, if communication is not great, you will have to analyse what the true problem is before you can work on making progress. Why does the communication in the partnership not work as it should? Is one of you interpreting the wrong things too quickly in a conversation? Are you talking about the wrong topics? Do you have little in common to talk about? Or do you just not want to talk to each other anymore?
Improve your communication skills
As soon as you have worked out, where the problem lies within you can then start working on a solution. And believe me, even if it might be hard at times, it is absolutely worth it. Because in the long run, if you do not work thru your communication problems the companionship will end at some point.
So let us look at some point on how you can improve your communication skills.
#1 Don't take it out on your partner
In everyday life, we often unconsciously transfer our problems to our partner and often react quite irritated due to the smallest remarks. To prevent this from happening, you should always talk to your partner about your problems instead of taking them out on them. Sure, it might happen that things do not go quite as well on any given day. But it is especially in these situations that you need to remember to talk about it directly with your partner. A sentence like "Hey honey, I'm really not having a good day today. It might be that I am overreacting right now, let us talk about it a bit later please” is a very clear and understandable signal and already enough to take out the pressure of the ongoing discussion. It also lets your partner know how you are feeling and gives you both the opportunity to talk about what worries you both more often and therefore get to know each other even better.
#2 Never start with “But you…”
In a discussion or an argument, it is always important to speak in self-related sentences. If you start your sentences like "But you said...." or "But you always do it like this..." you are basically verbalising direct accusations. And even if this is your intention, you might want to consider this approach since it will mostly lead to your counterpart shutting down and remaining stubborn.
It is a much better approach to try to relate the facts or the story from your own point of view, as in formulating phrases like “I felt bad when...." or "I was overwhelmed because...." and so on. It is not about blaming yourself but much more about not making accusations and keeping it personal. Like this, your partner will truly hear how you feel which will make it easier for them to react accordingly and not feel attacked.
#3 The past is the past
Another important point in an argument or discussion is to leave old stories or accusations behind and not bring them up again. The past lies in the past and should not constantly be pulled up in the present. It is important to come to terms with the past at some point and be able to let go of it, otherwise, you will never be in the position to move on, and it will always cloud current situations. Of course, the better you deal with issues together the less those issues will follow you in the future.
#4 Listen and do not interrupt
During a conversation, it is very important to listen to your partner carefully and stay open. Take their concerns, wishes and suggestions seriously. Like this not only will they feel secure, but you will also be able to offer them answers that truly help them. Also, like this, they will know that it was and is a good idea to turn to you and that you are the right person for each other to do so.
In addition, you should always let your partner finish what they are saying and not interrupt them. Otherwise, they will feel as if what they say is not important and feel rejected. As so often just imagine how you would want to be treated in this situation.
#5 Communicate in a positive manner
Too often and too quickly we limit ourselves to the negative. Not only in relationships but also in everyday life. Unfortunately, negative phrases and words come too easily to us. But it would be much wiser to focus on the positive things, like for example appreciation, recognition, but also praise. Everyone likes to hear praise, no matter how long you have been together! We all need some sugar from time to time and positive words can do wonders. I even recommend trying this in everyday life while talking about other things. So, instead of saying “I did not finish this task today”, try thinking “I might not have finished this one task today, but overall, I got a lot of things done”.
#6 Keep it neutral and objective
Staying neutral and objective can be truly hard, especially when you are having an argument and emotions run high. But still, it is worth trying. Because let us be honest, the more emotions are in the discussion the bigger the chance that you might say something you will regret later on. So, if you feel like the situation is heating up too much, try to stay objective and calm. And if that does not work simply interrupt the discussion. Like this, both will have the chance to calm down and gain control again.
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