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Are you good in bed? Here’s how you know

Updated: May 11

What's good and what's bad in bed? Since there is no quality control for sex, whether a love game is good or bad lays in the eye of each one of us. But I'm sure we all agree: we all fear bad sex and nobody wants to be studs in bed. But how can we be so sure that everything is going right for us? Today let us take a look at the clearest clues pointing to bad sex and ultimate tips on how you can make it better.

Couple in bed making out | Dating with Fawn | Philadelphia, PA, USA

The definition: what actually is bad sex?

What makes sex bad? Is it lousy if it always happens after the sports show in the missionary position? Although: There's nothing to be said against a bit of a well-rehearsed sex routine. After all, you can't pull off the full experimental act every time. You see, it's not that easy to answer this question. The best way to define bad sex is to ask yourself the opposite question. That is: What characterizes good sex for you? Do you want fun, informality and spontaneity? Then cramped or passionless sex belongs on your personal bad sex list. So whether sex is good or bad is often a matter of taste. But: Even if you've never had mega-sex, you can sense that something is wrong.

The clues: 5 signs for bad sex

They exist: Signs and individual preferences that distinguish good sex from bad. But besides that, you can also identify universal signs of the lousy act. These 5 are among them:

Sign #1: Foreplay, what is it?

Foreplay, petting or other pleasure-inducing games are a waste of time for her or him? This is a clear indication of passionless sex. Because even the quick number among strangers doesn’t get by without getting hot: Eye contact, dancing, checking out, (licking). If you forgo the warm-up in the bedroom, you're a bad lover and need a hell of a lot of lube. The 10 best petting techniques that will make any woman hot.

Sign #2: The clock rules the game

"We have exactly twenty minutes, then I have to go to work". Anyone who makes such statements before sex and then wants to keep to the schedule during the number is unlikely to get involved with their partner and lustful lovemaking. Clocks and sex just don't go together.

Sign #3: Lack of eye contact

Deep moments during sex promote intimacy. If you don't look your partner in the eye during lovemaking, you risk making her feel like an object. Men feel like a suitor.

Sign #4: Rough handiwork

You should treat a beautiful woman beautifully. Of course, good sex also includes a somewhat harder pace. Nevertheless, a woman usually wants to be touched gently and carefully. Rough motoric pawing around pleases the fewest. By the way, you should show your most sensitive side in the most sensitive places. Exception: It requires a hard hand. Perfect handwork: Fingering for advanced users.

Sign #5: No experiments, please!

Your sex always follows the same pattern. There is this position that you love and in which also the beloved always comes to orgasm (at least you think so). If you never dare to try something new, you risk that your sweetheart will soon get bored in bed. And you too, right? Habit animal or not.

Why your sweetheart might be bad in bed

If a woman is a disaster in bed, it can have several reasons. The most common ones are:


  • She has no desire

  • She has had a bad experience

  • She is bored

  • She does not know what she wants

  • She wants to please you

  • She has pain during sex

To find out the reason behind the lousy performance in bed, there is only one way: you need to talk to your beloved. How to do that? We'll tell you in the following.

Woman sitting on top of man | Dating with Fawn | Philadelphia, PA, USA

How to tell somebody they’re bad in bad tactfully

It's not easy to tell the lady of your heart that she's boring in bed. After all, you don't want to offend her. But if you want more passion again, there's no way around opening your mouth. A good strategy to cleverly get her going is to keep the focus on yourself. That is, instead of saying that your sweetheart is lying there like a mannequin, say that you want to try new positions. Instead of complaining that you only have sex on dates, tell her that in your dream you spontaneously had a hot quickie with her in a club toilet. Avoid comparisons, they will only push the woman into a corner. She should not have the impression that you are dissatisfied with her. On the contrary, you want to encourage her to show more of her potential. You want her to seduce you more often: Here's how you get it done.

In a conversation away from the bedroom, you can find out why your partner behaves differently in bed than she used to. Create an atmosphere in which the woman feels free to talk about her fears, worries and desires. Emphasize how much you enjoy having sex with her and make the first move by saying what you like most about it (e.g., when she pleasures you orally) and feel free to admit what you find difficult. Make it clear that you want her to enjoy sex. If you find out that your loved one is ashamed, suffering from listlessness, or even in pain, you can work together to find a solution. No matter how the conversation goes, it will make your sex better in any case.

5 things women find bad in bed

Now you need a lot of reflection, honesty and self-criticism. Think about your sex and consider what faux pas you yourself commit regularly unnoticed.

Turnoff #1: He does not care about her

Warm-up for a maximum of 2 minutes, then it's time to get down to business. Is that what you do at the gym? Well, just like your muscles need time to warm up, so does your lover in bed. If you forgo foreplay, it can end badly. Not only will the woman probably feel pain during sex, but she'll also notice how you go about it and won't look forward to the next time because of it. Women like it when the man pays close attention to what she likes and what not. A good lover recognizes without words what he has to do. Foreplay: These petting techniques make women totally hot.

Turnoff #2: He resembles a dead fish.

Don't misunderstand: Women don't want an entertainer in bed. But if you don't show any movement at all, she'll be irritated. You're allowed to sigh, moan and, above all, laugh. Sex as a silent number that is worked off, women find quite unsexy and emotionally cold.

Turn-off #3: He gymnastics through all positions

From behind, from the side and still standing - if a man compulsively plows through many positions instead of enjoying a position for a while, a woman quickly gets the impression that he wants to prove what he's got. The problem with this is that your sweetheart has to keep adjusting to new stimulation. Remember: Changing positions is good, but not every 20 seconds - sex is not a Tabata workout! Women hate these sex positions.

Turnoff #4: He overdoes it with the dirty talk.

Does the woman hear comments like "Are you my little slut with the big hooters? Yes! You're the biggest slut of them all, aren't you?" she may lose her desire to have sex - especially if the dirty talk wasn't agreed upon beforehand.

Turn-off #5: He leaves her after sex to the left

Done, his orgasm is in the box - men who, after their climax, put their arms behind their heads and proudly stare at the ceiling or jump up, instead of taking care of the woman at your side, are pretty riveting candidates. Because even soccer players are in each other's arms after winning a game. Don't get it wrong: women don't want you to petting her like a kitten and asking "Did you come too?", they want you to turn to her and be ready to go in case she wants extra petting. It's not even about her necessarily needing an orgasm either, but that her desires are fulfilled and she's happy. Want more turn-offs? This totally bugs women in bed.

Why am I bad in bed?

You felt caught at one of the points? Don't worry. Maybe it's just temporary. Most of the time, one of the following reasons is the cause of being weak:

  • You're orienting yourself too much to porn

  • You have stress

  • You are drunk

  • You are not fully focused

  • You are afraid to disappoint

  • You don't talk openly with your partner

Does bad sex the first time ruin the start?

Not necessarily! Sure, it's disappointing at first when the first time sex goes south. But the first time is not representative of the following love games. The first time you have sex, both partners are usually excited and want to do everything right. Women worry about possible problem areas, men as well. The best solution: take the initial mishap with humour and give each other a chance for a second time.

Does bad sex ruin the relationship?

It depends on how far the sex is bad. If lovemaking is always loveless or painful, it can actually ruin the partnership. Because, by treating each other lovingly, the partners prove mutual respect to each other. If you are treated badly during sex, your self-esteem suffers and this, in turn, can damage the relationship.

Better no sex than bad sex?

No. Sex creates closeness and is therefore good for love. Even if it is not the mega number every time, still make skin contact and touch the partner intimately. Partners respond to each other's touches - it's a form of communication. Of course, sex is only helpful if both partners aren't just engaging in it to do the partner a favour.

Can bad sex be good?

Absolutely! A first prerequisite is that the partners are willing to listen to what the other wants. Often, for years, both don't even know that what they are doing doesn't please the other. The second requirement for better sex is that you be willing to engage in new things. If you allow fresh play, you'll reap better sex than you've ever had.

Here's how to improve bad sex

To improve bad sex, there's actually a secret recipe. Unfortunately, very few people use it these days. It is: take your time. Sex should be one thing above all: fun. In order for both partners to feel like each other again, sex should not start in the bedroom. This includes that the partners talk openly with each other about desires and turn-offs. But it also involves prolonging foreplay. It's not just about petting or hot finger games, but about a sensual approach to your partner in everyday life. Whisper compliments in her ear more often or caress her neck tenderly, kiss her on the eyelids - and don't use the caresses as an introduction to sex. Most women think that such caresses are accompanied by some kind of demand to her (he wants sex). Improve your sex with these ultimate tips.

Bottom line: sex gets better when you talk.

Whether sex is good or bad is related to what you want from sex. To satisfy your partner and enjoy a fulfilling sex life yourself, you need to talk to your partner. Most of the time, problems in bed are due to external circumstances and can be fixed. If sex is lousy the first time, it doesn't mean it will stay that way. Don't tense up, but stay open to new things and laugh about mishaps in bed. Forgive yourself and your partner for the occasional slip-up. Who is so flexible in terms of sex, can only gain in quality.

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- xoxo -

Woman slinging her legs around the hips of a man while making out| Dating with Fawn | Philadelphia, PA, USA



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